Up and down
Chasing glimmers of brightness during a long winter
I used to live in California—the bright, breezy, make-a-new-best-friend-at-dinner, Golden State—and I moved back home to Minnesota on purpose, for God’s sake. I left the sun-swept ocean and redwood forests behind for roughly six months of winter a year. Even though I already knew about the freezing Januarys, the wind chill, and the way people wear their mucked-up snow boots to a nice dinner. I grew up here, and still, I returned. That’s how much I love my fellow Minnesotans.
This winter, more than any I can remember, I can feel the neighboring— the way my fellow community members show up for each other during these harrowing times. We show up while violent paramilitary agents continue to terrorize immigrants, people of color, and dissenters—as well as anyone who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Today, Border Czar Tom Homan announced that these agents plan to leave Minnesota in the next week. Peaceful resistance works! Yet there is incredible damage done alongside the courage and incredible organizing.
Minnesotans are used to blizzards, subzero temperatures, and other adverse conditions. We are used to things not being easy. We still pull on our parkas and enter the world. We create our own light, despite the darker days.
Recently, I watched a video of my daughter Eden’s teacher coaching her on hair brushing. Everything is hard won for my sweet 10-year-old, whose disabilities (related to a rare genetic difference) require 24-7 care.
Up and down, the teacher said lovingly, although my daughter was mostly doing side to side. Up and down, she said again, her voice soothing and entirely calm. She sounded like an NPR radio host—a good one, as she placed her hand over my daughter’s hand. Eden got the brush to her head and swept down, then suddenly her hand jerked upward, and the brush caught in a tangle of her hair. The teacher cheered. She saw the glimmer of light, the sense of possibility. Eden had nearly nailed it. Before it was great, when it was just something.
To keep my spirits up during this long, harrowing winter, I’m trying to arrange something each day that feels like sunshine on my face, even when the sun is nowhere to be seen. I’m trying to be more like this loving teacher, cheering on my own efforts—despite the results—instead of cutting myself down. Research shows that planning pleasurable experiences can boost happiness and well-being, and who doesn’t need that right now? I try to plan something doable—like coffee with a friend, a volunteer gig, or attending services at my synagogue (sometimes virtually). Or listening to throwback records with my teenage son, although this one is generally a spontaneous joy.
Last week, when it finally hit above 30 degrees, I spent an hour with my hearty mom pushing Eden’s wheelchair through the slush, watching the sunset, blasting pop music, as usual. Several of my neighbors said, “It feels like Spring Break!” (Everything is relative). I wholeheartedly agreed. It felt so enlivening, after weeks of overcast frigidity, to walk with the light pouring down on us.
The more I plan—and do—things that feel good, the better I feel. I hope you can add something extra to look forward to on your calendar. It helps.
Other things bringing me hope:
A postcard arrived: ‘If you’re reading this I’m dead, and I really liked you’. The Washington Post.
A daughter honors her father’s wishes in a creative, unconventional way. Just like how he lived.
Smart Girl, Dumb Questions. Calling Congress…Does it Work? With Rep. Melanie Stansbury
Check out this accessible, thoughtful podcast hosted by Nayeema Raza, which she calls a “curiosity party”. That’s the party I want to go to (preferably also with a dance floor). I so appreciate Raza’s sense of humor and openness.
Come See Me in the Good Light, a documentary.
Bittersweet and moving, this film shares the joy and life of spoken word poet Andrea Gibson. Note: this amazing documentary has heavy themes, including suicidal thoughts and late-stage cancer.
Organization:
Dedicated to upholding constitutional rights for all, including rapid response, non-violent peaceful action, community education, and more.
To hope in all seasons,
Emma